One of Us Wants to Travel...

My last post on Why Marrying Young ≠ Selling Your Soul generated a lot of responses, with a number of readers saying they'd love to live abroad with their soon-to-be spouse but they either 1) can't convince their fiancé/spouse to jump on board, or 2) don't know how to make it happen financially. Now, I have no intention of turning my blog into a relationship advice column, and I promise future posts won't be so couples-specific. But these are fair questions that I happen to be in a good position to answer, so here goes. I'll deal with the first quandary here and tackle the second in a follow-up article. 

One of us wants to travel, the other isn't so sure.

This just might be the number one issue that keeps couples who contemplate living abroad after marriage from actually doing it. And it makes sense, given the whole "opposites attract" axiom. One person wants adventure, the other wants stability, and more often than not stability wins out because hey, it's the easier path.

Long-term travel is scary and hard to plan; staying close to home is less scary and, well, less hard to plan. Just like that, the more logical partner convinces his/her more adventurous other half that maybe extended travel isn't the best idea. I'd like to gently challenge this oh-so-reasonable tendency to follow the path of least resistance (and to you logical halves out there––know that we still love you bunches). 

Please note that I'm not trying to say you can't have a perfectly happy life, whether single or married, spent entirely in your country of origin (or even in your home town). But I do want to suggest there might be more out there for those who are willing to take the plunge. See 5 Reasons You Should Live in Another Country for more on this, but here are 5 reasons young couples should live abroad after they get married:

1) It's all about sacrifice.

In my experience, the number one thing that separates young couples is unwillingness in one or both people to make sacrifices. The result being that either the couple breaks up, or one person does all the sacrificing and ends up being unhappy and/or bitter in the long run. And it's not always the case, but in Christian circles at least it's more often than not the girl who gives up her dreams to follow the boy. I find this problematic not simply because it's "not fair," but far more importantly because God gives dreams to all of his children, sons and daughters alike, for a purpose. Forfeiting them may well result in us serving his Kingdom less faithfully. Logical halves, a year(ish) abroad may seem irresponsible to you, but honestly, why should young couples without children be any more tied down than their single counterparts? If your spouse (or future spouse) feels pulled toward travel, whether in a missions context or simply to experience other cultures and landscapes in this incredible world of ours, I want to encourage you to take this desire seriously. Nothing reassured me I was marrying the right person in the right stage of life more than when, part way through our engagement, Alec let out a deep breath and said "Ok, let's go to New Zealand." 

Alec catching his breath during a pre-dawn scramble to the top of the Pinnacles to watch the sun rise. 

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2) Nothing brings you together like traveling together.

If there's one thing I can say I have learned personally from my experiences living abroad with my husband, it's that there is no better form of bonding out there. Moving to another country is like moving to a new town, times a bazillion. When we arrived in New Zealand, we were literally all each other had to lean on. Together, we had to figure out how to arrange transportation, set up a bank account, buy a car, and interpret the crazy Kiwi slang. By this point we have made plenty of new "mates," but we are still each other's only close friend this side of the Pacific. We aren't just husband and wife. We're fellow travelers, coworkers, confidants, prayer partners... and drinking buddies. All of this has taught us that we can trust each other completely. We are a team, 100% of the time. I know all newlyweds spend a lot of time together, but Alec and I are together about 20 out of every 24 hours, minimum, and we're loving it. We already can't wait to look back on the memories we are making. 

3) Independence is the only option. 

Independence is something a lot of newly married couples struggle with, and it can be especially difficult for Mom and Dad to let go (or to let go of Mom and Dad!) when you're barely grown up as it is. Parents (not to mention siblings, extended family, and close friends) are awesome, and I'm not suggesting you cut yourselves off completely or anything dumb like that, but it's important to establish boundaries as your own familial unit right off the bat. At least that's what our pre-marital counselor said. And what better way to politely yet abruptly establish said boundaries than to ditch the country all together!? Seriously though, we miss our relatives and friends like crazy, but we are also grateful for the independence that naturally flows from living overseas. We are not merely able to make our own decisions (and, yes, learn from our mistakes)... we have no other choice. 

Our trusty Chacos, set in front of Cathedral Cove on the Coromandel Penninsula here in New Zealand.

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4) You'll learn to do without.

Another big lesson all married couples learn and that extended travel throws into sharp relief is managing your resources. And I don't just mean money, though money is obviously a big deal. I also mean time, and heck, just stuff. In terms of finances (more in-depth post on this coming soon), it's an added challenge to keep a budget when there are so many awesome opportunities to spend inordinate amounts of money. Thus, we force ourselves to spread out extravagant expenses, figure out the cheapest possible ways to do things, and really consider whether a given attraction is worth it. Sometimes you just have to say no. Time-wise, there's so much to do here, but we also work full time, on a very erratic schedule. So we've learned to pace ourselves, get enough sleep, and use our days off wisely. As far as stuff goes, Alec and I each brought one suitcase and one hiking backpack to New Zealand. Two bags each for 8 months. When you don't have a lot, you learn to make do with what you need (and to be thankful for the extras).  

5) Now is the time.

If you are young and either married or about to be, there is literally no time like the present for extended travel overseas. In this you have a huge advantage over your older counterparts. They have to worry about pre-established careers and pressure to have a family in the near future. You don't. From this perspective, there is actually tremendous freedom in marrying ahead of the curve. Being "tied down" too soon is an oft-cited criticism of early marriage, but who says you need to tie yourselves down? You can pick up those long-term plans of yours after you spend some solid time abroad, growing as individuals and as a couple, learning to see the world from different perspectives, and all that jazz. Sure, you could wait for retirement; plenty of people do. But how many older folks have you heard wishing they had the energy and stamina of their 20-something selves? So, if anything I've written above has spoken to you, if you feel yourself itching to follow this advice, I urge you... leave. Pick a place and go. Don't wait for a better time, because there isn't one.